I’m pretty sure Johnny is mocking me with his eyes here

My brother just sent me the following Facebook status update:

<Ben Fong-Torres

Johnny Depp, rock star. 700 Cal students, many of them screaming, at Wheeler Hall last nite for The Rum Diary screening & a Q&A with Johnny and director-writer Bruce Robinson. I moderated it; had great chats with Johnny before & after. He hosted a party (free rum!) at Shattuck Down Low. Our connections: Hunter Thompson, author of Rum Diary; Gram Parsons (Johnny liked my book Hickory Wind); the Doors (he narrated the People Are Strange documentary; I wrote the partner book). A charmer, on and off stage. Also in the after-party house: Tom Waits and Chuck E. Weiss, fronting a rockin’ band. It’s all over Youtube & the internet. Rock star!>

This is torture.   Not only does he look great, he’s looking great in my home town and here I am only minutes from his home (well, one of them).  Clearly my brother is getting back at me for feeding him poison mushrooms when he was four.    The question is, why is Johnny torturing me so?