Archive for Cannes

Johnny, I’m rolling out the red carpet for you

Posted in Cote d'azur, humor, Johnny Depp, Plan de la Tour, South of France, stalking johnny depp, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on May 23, 2012 by Lesley Stern

In case I haven’t mentioned it before, I now live in Antibes which is a mere 15 minutes from Cannes (as opposed to almost an hour from Cannes to Plan de la Tour, where Johnny lives).

So with the film festival going on right now, I got to thinking, what if Johnny is in Cannes one night and has a little too much to drink?   And what if he can’t find a driver, and there are no rooms at the Carleton or Hotel du Cap available?   The last thing I want to see is Johnny driving drunk or sleeping on the Croisette.

Your room (I’ll make up the bed for you)

So Johnny,  you’re always welcome to stay here with me.   I’m sure it’s not as nice as Mary Kate (or Ashley)’s apartment, but it’s not bad and I’ve yet to see any paparazzi lurking outside my door.   There’s even a spare bedroom for you,  should you choose to use it.

I’m very conveniently located — you can just hop a train to get here.  No dangerous driving or hitching a ride with strangers who may not be madly in love with you.

I’m on the 3eme etage at 8 Rue Vauban.   You can just show up or give me a call and let me know you’re coming (0616881424).

There is just one caveat:   if you’re allergic to cats, you’ll have to give me a little notice so I can find new homes for them.

 

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We’ve been on a break

Posted in Cote d'azur, humor, Johnny Depp, johnny depp's tattoos, South of France, stalking johnny depp with tags , , , , , , , on May 13, 2012 by Lesley Stern

I can talk about it now.   But for awhile there, it was just too emotional.   A few subtle signs lead me to believe it was over between us.

The minute I moved to the South of France, he pretty much left.   He even made a public statement that he was going to spend less time in France due to tax reasons.   Who can blame me for taking it personally?

Then he rubbed salt in the wound and started hanging out in all the places I might easily be if I wasn’t in France (like Berkeley, for godsakes).   Not only did it seem he was making a conscious effort to be where I’m not, he was rubbing it in my face.

Then there were the rumors that he was cheating on me  Vanessa with a younger woman.

The stories that he was involved with Eva Green/his publicist/Amber Heard/some 19 year old didn’t faze me.   I just attributed them to a desperate press.   But the story and pics of Johnny skulking out of Mary Kate (or was it Ashley?) Olsen’s apartment one morning was like a knife to the heart.     I prayed it was just a drug thing.

Now that time has passed and the wounds are healing, the old feelings are coming back.   The fond memories of stalking him in quaint cafes, hillside villages and beachy resorts make me realize that like Ross and Rachel, maybe it’s not over between us.   Maybe it’s time to resume our relationship.   After all,  Cannes is one week away and he’s got a movie to promote.

I guess this means I should start shaving my legs again.

Update from Cannes

Posted in Cote d'azur, humor, Johnny Depp, South of France, stalking johnny depp, travel, Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 18, 2011 by Lesley Stern

Okay, I’m in Cannes.   I’m standing outside the famous Carlton Hotel.

It’s beeeeeeeeyoooootiful.

Some disappointing news

Posted in Cote d'azur, humor, Johnny Depp, South of France, stalking johnny depp, travel with tags , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2011 by Lesley Stern

Fortunately, the news has nothing to do with my quest or Johnny (unless the universe is giving me messages in metaphors).

Cannes has begun, but my Google Alerts and close monit0ring of press photos from Cannes, indicate that Johnny isn’t there yet.   I’ll be damned if I go to Cannes and all I see is Anglina Jolie posing with a giant panda.   I’ll go next week.

While I’ve been waiting for Johnny to return to the South of France,  I’ve been trying to catch sight of another one of those tiny hummingbirds like the one I saw a couple of weeks ago while practice-stalking Johnny in Vidauban.   Everyone I mentioned it to said they’ve never seen such a thing.  I’m starting to consider the possibility that this tiny hummingbird may be as rare and magical a sight as…well, Johnny Depp.

Clearwing hawk moth

I haven’t seen another one, so I finally get around to Googling it.

I find lots of videos and images of tiny hummingbirds, but it’s impossible to get a sense of scale.   Then I find something totally disconcerting.   This tiny hummingbird I saw might actually be a moth.   A clearwing hawk moth to be exact.

Bummer.   I hope this isn’t sort of portent. What if when I finally find Johnny, instead of him being a rare and magical creature like a tiny hummingbird, he turns out to be a moth?  Or worse, a bee or rattlesnake?

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