Is this a sign it’s over between us?

According to Google alerts, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are “in love.”   It was one thing when he was cheating on Vanessa, but now he’s cheating on me!   There’s nothing more upsetting than the man you love  being unfaithful before he’s even met you.

Vanessa’s mansion

A really nice yurt

Understandably, I’m pissed.  I’m considering talking to a lawyer.   I figure after a year and a half of faithful stalking, I should be entitled to something.

I realize it would be irrational to expect  a 4.4 million dollar Beverly Hills mansion like the one Vanessa Paradis got.  Her 14 years with Johnny dwarfs my meager year and a half (on the other hand, she got to have sex with him so maybe I’m the one who deserves the mansion).

I want to be fair about this.   Here’s what I’m thinking:   maybe a really nice yurt?


2 Responses to “Is this a sign it’s over between us?”

  1. Hey i totally agree, i didn’t even get a birthday card from him this year…..maybe go to La and begin the stalking all over again?

    • I would go to hell and back for Johnny. But LA? No way. I like the south of France. I just hope I have better stalking options left than Bono and Jack Nicholson. I wonder if I can lure Hugh Laurie here? And Johnny, if you’re reading this, I don’t mean a word of it, this is my grief talking. You are the only man for me.

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